The Time I Peed Myself to Avoid Embarrassment

As mentioned in my previous post, I went to a very small, very conservative, Christian high school. Every year we participated in an international student convention where Christian schools from all over the world gathered to compete in different events.

A classmate and I were on our way to one of the events and took a detour to a public restroom. I had been holding my bladder for a while and really needed to go, but I didn’t want it to make a lot of noise when I went because the girl I was with (the same one from the last post) liked to point out anything even remotely embarrassing and use it like a cattle prod against me.

I leaned as far as I could to make sure I hit porcelain instead of water.

I leaned too far.

I peed like a sharp-shooter right between the toilet seat and the bowl and onto my nylon stockings.

Nylons were required to attend any competitions (seriously conservative school) and I wasn’t about to walk around in urine-soaked hosiery, so I lied.

A self-deprecating lie is always the most convincing, so this one was good. This particular classmate was sharing a room with me at the convention and was appalled by how bad my feet smell after a day of wearing nylons (I’m not the only one, right?) and had already repeatedly made fun of me about it in public and in private. It seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. I told her my feet smelled so bad I could smell them while they were still in my shoes and need to wash my feet and change my nylons.

And guess what.

IT TOTALLY WORKED! She complained all the way to the room about how we were going to be late to the event, but she never found out what happened!


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