Nipped in the Butt

On vacation to visit my sister-in-law and her husband in Alaska, I lost a battle against the mosquitoes. I hold to the belief that the mosquitoes in Alaska are actually a rare strain of prehistoric insects once thought to be extinct. These prehistoric mosquitoes carry dino-diseases that turn mere humans into welt-covered mutants. They can smell fear from miles away and swarm their victim until he or she is utterly unrecognizable. Their razor-sharp noses can pierce fabric and only deadly amounts of DEET will deter them for a short time.

They stung my butt

In the shape of a smiley-face.

I went to pee in the woods on a fishing trip and had only used bug spray on my clothes and not my skin. My bare butt was nature’s dartboard to nature’s darts.

And then they stung my hands so badly that I couldn’t bend my fingers.

I spent the next 3 days with ice packs on my hands and on my chair.

No Benadryl, thankyouverymuch! I learned my lesson on my honeymoon.


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