Tidal Wave

How are so many of my stories about bowel movements? You might not believe this, but I am in fact potty trained. I even use the toilet successfully multiple times a day.

This is a story of peer pressure and how terribly I cope with it.

In 6th grade my school took us to Six Flags Magic Mountain. My family practically lived there during my childhood so it wasn’t that big of a deal to me, but it was fun to go with friends. I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the ride Tidal Wave, but it’s a water ride that soaks onlookers that are standing on a nearby pier. Stand on one side of the red line, you get wet. Stand on the other, you don’t.

I had been complaining for about half an hour about how I needed to use the restroom when we passed Tidal Wave and I was on the verge of bursting. I was about to ditch my friends to run to the nearest restroom when they decided it would be fun to trick me into getting drenched on the pier.

I knew exactly what they were doing because I had done this same thing dozens of times. I’m a Six Flags pro, remember? But as they were dragging me over the red line I realized that if I let them do this to me I wouldn’t be able to hold it anymore.

So I didn’t.

I let them prank me into getting drenched so that I didn’t have to hold it anymore.

30 min later: “Didn’t you need to use the restroom?”

“…No.”

No Pants #3

In 6th grade I had a marching band performance in the morning and we returned to school around 3rd period to finish out the rest of the day. For 3rd period I had a mean, tiny, english teacher who always berated me for not turning in my weekly reading logs. I arrived to class late, in my band uniform (because, you guessed it, I forgot my regular clothes), and without my stupid reading log. The mean, tiny, english teacher stood me up in front of the class and questioned me as to why I could remember my band uniform and clarinet, but failed weekly to bring a reading log to class.

As I’m standing in front of my snickering classmates, my mom pops her head in with a bag of clothes and says, “Sorry, she forgot her pants!”

Not me. But might as well be.