The Accidental Text

I feel like everyone has done it. You know, sent a text to the wrong person. Well my story totally wins.(or loses–however you want to look at it)

I was explaining to my mom over the phone that my acne had gotten so bad that I scheduled a dermatologist appointment to get it taken care of. It was the worst it had ever been and I had been caking on makeup to cover all the redness and splotches and it was getting seriously painful to even lay on my pillow at night. Like really really bad. She had never seen me break out so badly and was wondering if I could send her a pic to see if it was actually an allergic reaction instead of just acne.

Here’s where the mistake was made: when I opened up my iPhone messenger app to send her a pic, it was already open to a conversation, but not with my mom. It was with my overly awkward church worship leader! I snapped 2 pics and sent them off before I realized what I had done!

He claims to have never opened it, but how could he not? And if he did, it’s so embarrassing that of course he would say he never saw it. I’m sure he wishes he never did.

I am The Meanest in The Land #2

Scene: It’s day 3 of driver’s-ed and 16-year-old me is coming back to the classroom from lunch. I don’t know anyone in the class and I don’t really care to talk to anyone since the classes are only 5 days long. A gangly, unwashed boy with a dime-sized scab on his upper lip approaches me.

Scabby: You don’t talk very much, do you?

Me: Nope.

I Am The Meanest In The Land

I went to a very tiny church a few years ago and I was kind of the go-to substitute teacher on Sunday mornings. I had been teaching a 5th grade class full of boys for a while. It was fun and easy because if they started to whine I could just tell them to stop and get over it and they would.

One Sunday I was subbing for a kindergarten class and I forgot to switch gears from the 5th grade style, and I turned into a monster.

Me: Ok kids, it’s time to clean up. It’s almost time to go!

Kid: *In a fake, baby-talk voice* But I don’t want to clean up!

Me: *mimicking his tone* Aaw! Well that’s just too bad!

Kid: You sound like a baby.

Me: You’re acting like one.

Kid: *a surprised look on his face* Those are mean words…

Yes. Yes they are. I am a menace to all kindergartners. Hide your kids.

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