I am The Meanest in The Land #2

Scene: It’s day 3 of driver’s-ed and 16-year-old me is coming back to the classroom from lunch. I don’t know anyone in the class and I don’t really care to talk to anyone since the classes are only 5 days long. A gangly, unwashed boy with a dime-sized scab on his upper lip approaches me.

Scabby: You don’t talk very much, do you?

Me: Nope.

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I Am The Meanest In The Land

I went to a very tiny church a few years ago and I was kind of the go-to substitute teacher on Sunday mornings. I had been teaching a 5th grade class full of boys for a while. It was fun and easy because if they started to whine I could just tell them to stop and get over it and they would.

One Sunday I was subbing for a kindergarten class and I forgot to switch gears from the 5th grade style, and I turned into a monster.

Me: Ok kids, it’s time to clean up. It’s almost time to go!

Kid: *In a fake, baby-talk voice* But I don’t want to clean up!

Me: *mimicking his tone* Aaw! Well that’s just too bad!

Kid: You sound like a baby.

Me: You’re acting like one.

Kid: *a surprised look on his face* Those are mean words…

Yes. Yes they are. I am a menace to all kindergartners. Hide your kids.

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